My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
