There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need to calm my uterus...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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