I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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