Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
