I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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