Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
