i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize