i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize