I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dick very happy bro
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
