I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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