she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
