I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize