Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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