I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
