things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
