That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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