You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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