My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
