I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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