I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize