dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
