the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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