We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
