There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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