So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
