just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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