One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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