i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
