It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
