I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
