I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize