I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
