Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
