She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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