I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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