I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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