summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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