Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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