fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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