he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
