hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
