Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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