OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
wanna go halves on a baby?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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