i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
