I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
