She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
