Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
