Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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