when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
