I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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