508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
zippers are such a cool invention
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
