The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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