Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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