dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
