i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
