I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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