Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
