She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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