Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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