I faked an abortion last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am one with the molecules
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
