I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
