does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
