Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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