She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
