I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
