Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
