i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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