People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
