Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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